Lauren Rasco

Mario Goes to Hollywood: Super Mario Bros.

October 17, 2003

Excuse me for one moment while I get this out of my system. AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!! Okay, I think I can go on to calmly and rationally write this piece. Well, at least I will try. You may be asking yourself at this point, what in the world could she possibly be so distraught over? Well, I will tell you. Super Mario Brothers, the movie.

I have seen this movie before, but I honestly don’t remember it being I this bad. Putting aside all of the normal reasons I would trash a movie, such as bad acting, poor editing, boom mikes hanging into a shot, etc. this movie hurts me in ways that most movies cannot. It butchers my beloved childhood friends and puts them into a plot so hideous that you can’t help but say “what in the hell were they thinking???”

The movie stars Bob Hoskins (of Who Framed Roger Rabbit? and Maid in Manhattan) as Mario and John Leguizamo (of Moulin Rouge! And The Pest) as Luigi. The movie also stars Samantha Mathis (American Psycho) as Princess Daisy (read Princess Toadstool in the game) and Dennis Hopper (EdTV) as Koopa (read Bowser). It came out in 1993 along with movies like Clint Eastwood’s Unforgiven and Scent of a Woman with Al Pacino; comedies like My Cousin Vinny and So I Married an Axe Murderer. So if you think about the time we were at in movie making history, there really is no excuse for the poor quality of this movie.

It starts out with Mario Mario and Luigi Mario, the Mario Bros. plumbing company in the Bronx minding their own business. Then they meet Daisy, a local university student who found evidence of a meteor where “corporate America” is trying to blast to build something. She is fighting to protect the dig site that she feels “strangely connected” to. She and Luigi (yeah, Luigi) promptly fall in love. She gets kidnapped by two of Koopa’s minions and they discover a warp in, where else, but the sewer pipes. To make a long story short, Koopa (who should have just been called Bowser, in my opinion) is the dictator of this industrial city that is running out of resources. He looks like a human with really funky hair…scary, huh? It is formed out of a parallel dimension caused by the meteor crash 65 billion years ago. The inhabitants of this city have evolved from dinosaurs, not mammals, like the people from the other dimension (where Mario and Luigi are from). If you aren’t confused enough as it is, Daisy is King Toadstool’s long lost daughter who was brought to the other “mammal” dimension by her mother when she was still an egg and she wears the missing piece of the meteor around her neck which does, guess what, merges the two dimensions! Oh wait, there’s more; Koopa has de-evolved the king into fungus which grows all over the city. He plans to de-evolve all of human kind into monkeys and take over their resources. Toad is a musician, a sort of hippie that sings anti-Koopa songs, that gets turned into a Goomba. Oh, and there is this rather large black woman who helps them out – and I have no idea who she is supposed to be. To make this little synopsis end quickly, they have to save Daisy and beat Koopa. Not to spoil the ending, but they do.

Now that your head is spinning from all that confusing information, you are probably scrolling up to make sure that the movie I was talking about was indeed called Super Mario Brothers. It is. I too was a tad baffled that someone could take Super Mario Brothers, the classic video game and make that out of it. Honestly, I don’t know. The worst part is that the ending actually leaves the door wide open for a sequel, which thank God, didn’
t get made. I could spend hours upon hours talking about what I would have done differently. The point is this – I can’t compare this movie to the video game. I mean, sure I could find the little things they put into the movie that I appreciated, like the presence of Yoshi as the enslaved royal family pet or the Ba-bomb that helps Mario kill Koopa. I think the lesson learned from our first endeavor into the video game-movie crossover is this: don’t try and make a “back story” to a video game. If you can’t make a movie out of what the game already gives you, then you shouldn’t make a movie out of the game.

To say the least, I was a bit disappointed in the outcome of the movie. Although, you will be happy to know that the writers and directors responsible for this abomination have yet to come out with another movie in their careers. Hrm, I wonder why? Hopefully, the next movie-game combo I am going to tackle will actually relate to each other so I can actually compare the two. We’ll just have to wait and see.

Next up: Mortal Kombat. My first time to see the movie AND to play a game on a Sega Genesis. Fun times ahead!

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Voodoo Vince

September 30, 2003

Reviews / Xbox / by Lauren Rasco /

There are few games out there that truly capture one’s imagination, make you lose track of time, forget that you have places to go, people to see; all because you are so captivated by the world the game presents to you. Personally, I have only had three games do this to me thus far – Halo, Ratchet and Clank, and Kingdom Hearts. In fact, Halo still captures my attention for hours on end countless weekends in the year. I am proud to add another game to my short little list: Voodoo Vince.

Is it hot in here or is it me?

Voodoo Vince is set in the surly, dark underworld of the New Orleans night life, in which Vince, a voodoo doll, is forced to become an unlikely hero when some unscrupulous bad guys steal Vince’s maker Madame Charmaine’s zombie dust. She is kidnapped by Kosmo the Inscrutable’s cronies and Vince, brought to life by the powers of the zombie dust has to save her. The game then takes you through level after beautifully constructed level of the New Orleans and Louisiana landscape with a twist, as it has all been altered by the negative effect of the stolen zombie dust. Each level is so well thought out and graphically stunning that you hate to leave each one behind when you complete it. The humor that is presented in the game is a little cheesy at times, but still it is funny and is suited very well to a 10″ voodoo doll. Each character you meet and obstacle you encounter is unique and funny in its own aspect too. This game, put out by Microsoft and Beep Studios, is so well thought out and planned that there are few details that are left untouched. The graphics and worlds created alone are enough to make this game worth checking out.

Another thing worth mentioning, while I am on the trend of extreme praise, is the music that is heard in the game. This is what really sets the mood of the game. The sounds of New Orleans come alive as you play through each level listening to jazz from smooth to lively. There was one bit of classical music that literally put me to sleep once while Cone was playing, but other than that, the music just completes the feel of the game. It helps to really take you there. Halo’s “soundtrack” is a good thing to compare it to…without it, it just wouldn’t be Halo. The same goes for Voodoo Vince, the levels just become that more alive with the sounds of good ole New Orleans jazz playing in the background.

Enter the Voodoo

Oh, did I mention that in addition to kicking and punching the baddies that you hurt yourself in a myriad of ways to kill them as well? Yeah, that’s right, in this game it is okay to “die.” Drop an anvil on your own head, jump into a flour grinder, swim in a bathtub full of man (or voodoo doll) eating sharks, get attacked by killer aliens; you name it, you can do it and it kills the bad guys in masses. The best part is that it is a simple task to do all of these things. You build up voodoo power and then pull both trigger and voila! dead monsters. That is another aspect of the game I really appreciated – the controls were kept simple. One button jumps, one punches, one does a spin attack, and the other allows you to pick up and drop items. This is not to say that the levels
do
not progress in difficulty, because believe me, they do, but it is just nice to have one set of controls with few combos to learn. One thing I did notice while playing is that the game goes from really easy to pretty complex and challenging somewhat quickly. I wouldn’t call it hard, but the game definitely makes you have to think. It isn’t like a typical slash ’em and run through the level game. There is an order and a reason to most everything you have to do. It isn’t so complex that it leaves you wanting more freedom to just play around, because it provides plenty of opportunity to do that as well. One thing that the levels do allow for is extensive exploration. There are sewers and rooftops to explore, along with countless rooms and windows to enter. I just wish I could go into every door and every window, but that is just because the levels were so well presented. Another thing that I wish they would have implemented into the game is a destructive environment. There were trashcans I wanted to overturn and crates I wanted broken, but I know a girl can’t have everything she wants.

My mom always told me not to run with scissors

My one true complaint about the game is this: when you were on a ledge or up against a wall it was almost impossible to see where you were going because the camera was right above your head. But you could pull into first person view so it wasn’t too bad.

Overall, Voodoo Vince is one of the best games that I have played in a long time; truly the most unique concept for a game to come out in a very long time. Vince is one of the best characters I have ever seen in a game. Taking him through the levels in which he complains about the “obligatory boss battle” and other sarcastic comments truly adds to the game play experience. There are a variety of mini games stuck in there and you never really have to do the same thing twice. I would suggest picking it up and trying it out because the concept to it is so unique and the levels so intriguing. Just remember “never mess with a voodoo doll, poindexter!”

Mario Goes to Hollywood: Games in the Movies

September 29, 2003

Features / Opinion / by Lauren Rasco /

If there is one thing that I like more than a good video game it is a good movie. I would even go as far to call myself a movie buff. The definition of a movie buff, if us movie buffs are honest with ourselves, is this: a person who watches way too many movies and spends that much more time analyzing them, thus becoming a movie snob. Yes, shamefully, I will admit that I am a movie snob. I turn my nose up at any movie with the name Vin Diesel in the credits. I shudder at the thought of Steven Segal and Jean Claude Van Damme attempting to do the thing that others call acting. I just can’t help it. Really, I can’t. Let me explain…

Once upon a time when I was in high school (and actually this started way before then, but high school is as far back as I will go) I was an “actress.” I was put in the Senior Drama class when I was just a sophomore (the earliest point in which this could occur) and all was well. I was happy and I loved just about all movies. That was until Mr. Sweatmon, the theatre teacher, got a hold of me. We watched countless classic movies, pausing every fifteen minutes to discuss which famous millionaire actor was “indicating acting” or “forcing emotion.” I critiqued them all; James Dean, Humphrey Bogart, Catherine Hepburn, Audrey Hepburn, the list goes on and on. So, it was at this point when I became a movie snob. Once you critique the people you were brought up to respect as the pioneers of their medium, you can critique anyone. But enough of that…back to what we want to focus on here…video games and movies.

Every once in a while someone will come along and attempt to take a video game that we all enjoyed, like Super Mario Bros, and try to make it into a movie. And that is where I can’t help but ask “what were they thinking?” I have a bone to pick with a lot of movies and the people who write them…but to take a beloved classic video game and put someone like John Leguizamo as Luigi??? (alright, before I get killed by some John Leguizamo fan, Mr. Leguizamo has since proved himself to be a fine patron of the arts) I honestly don’t know what happens when people try to turn video games into movies. Do brain cells get lost in the process? Are the creators so out of it that they can’t see that the video game already has a storyline and characters? Why change what was already a good thing?

So here is where my little harebrained experiment comes into play. For the next couple of months I am going to do the unthinkable (well, previously unthinkable to me anyway) and I am going to watch the movies I so despise. I will put the movie snob in me aside and I am going to travel down the video game made into movie road with all of you. For each movie that I watch, I am first going to go back and play the video game (be it for the first time or for the millionth) that the movie is based on. The first up on my list is the first, the classic, Super Mario Bros. If you have any movie that you want to see compared to its video game counterpart, let me know. I am going to try to tackle them all, seeing as how there aren’t too many of them.

So the next time you hear from me, I will be up to my knees in cheesy movies and video games. So wish me luck, and kiss the movie snob in me good bye…well at least for a little while.

Next week: Mario and Luigi make their big screen debut!

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Reasons for being a Chick Gamer

July 29, 2003

Features / Opinion / by Lauren Rasco /

Snowcone Foreword: I know we got Slashdotted this morning and I know there was a whirlwind of discussion about the article and I felt that some clarification was needed. This article, while it contains much truth, is intended as a satire. Take what you will from it and enjoy it.

I grew up playing video games, as many of you already know. To me, the “chick gamer,” it is perfectly normal and acceptable for a woman to play video games, but to many out there, it isn’t. After attending the Austin Gaming Expo and seeing that my sex was outnumbered I began to wonder why. Gaming is reserved for those with the different chromosomes. Which made me think, in a world dominated by the male sex, why do women choose to put themselves in the position of the minority?

I would like to consider myself a half-way decent gamer. I can play a game all the way through with no help from a cheat book or codes. I can hold my own in a Halo tournament. I know that I am not as good as a lot of people I know, but still, overall I do all right. My little sister is the same way. And, oh wait, so is my other sister. We have embarrassed boyfriends by kicking their butt in a James Bond multi-player game; we have beaten games before them that they have had longer. We have impressed people with our Halo abilities, especially my 12 year old sister. To us, it is the norm. We can play video games with the best of them. But why are our skills impressive or is it embarrassing to be beaten by a girl?

Society tells us that gaming is a hobby reserved for boys. Like so many other things that have stood in the way of gender rules, gaming is one of those things that I think sits in the grey area. A Barbie is for a little girl to play with and a Hot Wheel car is for a little boy. That is a gender rule that is standard in our society, one that most people are comfortable with and understand. (This is not to say that there are not boys who play with Barbie and girls who own Hot Wheels; for there are always exceptions to these gender rules.) But what does society tell us about playing video games? They are for boys and girls until the girls hit puberty and are too concerned with boys and make up to play video games anymore. At this point it isn’t a normal social activity for the female. There are a lot of activities that are shared by both sexes when we are children that become predominantly for one sex as we grow older. I know that a lot of this is changing as gaming becomes recognized as more of a healthy activity to engage in, but I have come up with five reasons why all girls should play in the minority as they grow into young women and eventually adults.

Your social life and Self-Esteem. I talked to the mom of the boy who won the Xbox raffle we had at the AGE and she talked about how good it was when they all got together and system linked their Xboxes for a little crazy massive multiplayer slayer. (So she didn’t word it quite like that, but that is what she meant.) Girls should be able to do the same thing. It would keep them from stressing about which boy dumped them or how they got a D in Chemistry. If there was a positive activity that was practiced when they were together, they would think positively about themselves. Not everyone wins all of the time, but when you do win; you can’t help but be proud of yourself. And playing video games helps you to learn how to work as a team. Not only tha
t, but your gaming gals would form a close bond that would carry you through the years.
Dating. One thing that is a common complaint about dating is that there was nothing to talk about. So he plays soccer and you are on dance team. You don’t know what an offside is and he couldn’t care less about your new kick routine. The date is a dud. He tells all of his friends that you are boring and you tell yours that he has the personality of a wet mop. Next week, despite your warnings, one of the other girls on the dance team goes out with him. They hit it off. You are baffled. She HATES soccer and she has the same interests as you. You ask her what happened. She tells you that they date was going horribly until she mentioned how excited she was for Halo 2 to come out. They are going out next Friday to pre-order it at their local EB. Most guys play video games, most girls don’t. If you play video games and he plays video games then you have something to talk about. Not to mention something to do together that you both enjoy.
Your Grades. There has been a study that shows that playing video games actually helps you out in the mental department, so why not just play and make better grades. I am in no way saying that by playing video games will make you smarter. What I am saying is that studies have shown that it helps with cognitive recognition or remembering things. So, if playing video games helps me to remember the dates of the battles in the civil war, sign me up for a Halo tournament.
Marriage. Dating will eventually lead to marriage. If you avoided the issue that your man loved to play video games with the guys all of the time, now that you are married you will have to deal with that issue now. If you are a non gamer you spend every Friday night sitting at home watching Lifetime movies fuming that it is almost midnight and he isn’t home yet. Not to mention that his friends resent you for making him come home at midnight. So when you all go out to dinner the next time you could cut the tension with a knife. Now, if you play video games too, you both go over to the guys’ place and play to all hours of the morning and you have a blast. Not only does it save you the trouble of being angry and fighting about your husband’s friends and activities all of the time, his friends love you and are intensely jealous that they can’t find a girl more like you.
The Workplace. It is a well known fact that working in an office is still sometimes a hard task for a woman to conquer. This one applies more for the women of the future then the women now (but it could still be true today). If all boys grew up playing video games and many of them still do in their adult life, wouldn’t it benefit the woman to do the same? There is an X-box in the break room. Your boss goes in there when he gets really stressed about something to play a good game of Halo. You go in there and ask if you can join him. You play a round of Halo with his and voila! Instant respect. (Unless of course you kick his butt and he feels intimidated by you… which is where your own judgment comes in.) He then starts relying on you to do more around the office and before you know it you have a promotion and a fat raise. This of course is a hypothetical situation, so don’t get all pissy if it doesn’t work.

I am not going to say that these are backed by a 100% guarantee to work. All people are different and not all girls (or guys for that matter) will ever be interested in video games. I am in that minority and I love it. I wouldn’t be married if it weren’t for the fact that I played video games. I spent the first summer we were dating staying up all night playing Halo with my boyfriend and his friends. I don’t think he would have put up with me, nor I with him, if I hadn’t been a “chick gamer.” Don’t get me wrong, I am not saying if you play video games you
will find a mate, but what I am trying to say is that it might just be worth it for more of girls out there to join the minority. You might find that you genuinely enjoy yourself.

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Ratchet & Clank

July 7, 2003

PlayStation 2 / Reviews / by Lauren Rasco /

Every once in a while a game will come along that makes me thankful that Cone and I didn’t trade in our PS2. Ratchet and Clank is one of those games. With a good recommendation from our favorite EB Games in Huebner Oaks, we bought Ratchet and Clank on a Friday. By that Sunday, it was all I was playing in my spare time. I was hooked. It was the cute little cat guy (Ratchet) and his tiny robot sidekick (Clank) that caught my attention, but it was the game play and the graphics that kept me going, and it was the imaginative and beautiful worlds that I was taken to that made me fall in love with this little PS2 game from 2002.

Glove Bomb to the rescue

As most of you know I am a fan of platform games, from Donkey Kong 64 to Jak and Daxter, I can’t pass on a chance to play a good platform game. Ratchet and Clank takes every preconceived notion of what should be involved in a platform game and takes it to the next level and then some. Insomniac Studios took what could have been a regular old action platform game and added elements of an adventure game, puzzle solving and strategy, and even racing. It is all blended together so beautifully each new planet you visit you experience a new aspect of the game. Okay, so now that I have ranted and raved about the game I’ll break it down a little more for you so that this actually turns into a review not just “Dots loves this game.”

As I have said before, every aspect of this game is put together in a way that I was unfamiliar with on the PS2. The story is no exception. You start off with the chance meeting of Ratchet, a young adult-ish alien cat like guy who is currently trying to fix his spaceship and Clank, a mishap from the evil lab of the evil Chairman Drek, who is the super villain who is trying to steal aspects of whole planets to build his people a new planet to live on, as he has used all the resources and over populated his. Clank explains to Ratchet that they must find Captain Quark (the Buzz Lightyear type superhero in their solar system) and save the day. Ratchet is only convinced when Clank points out that the only thing missing from his ship is the navigation robot, which he just happens to know how to do. The dynamic duo then goes through many perilous adventures flying from planet and planet meeting many a colorful character.

Burninating the countryside*

Each planet that they go to is vastly different from the one before it. Insomniac created these beautiful sci-fi worlds that make you want to explore each nook and cranny just to see what lies ahead. In the Metropolis city I literally wanted to walk into each and every building to see what kind of business was taking place, but unfortunately they didn’t put that much detail into the game. The graphics in R&C are outstanding for a PS2 game. The colors, the sharpness, the attention to detail; it is all wonderful. Another detail they played off of really well was the soundtrack to each of the levels. Letting you know when you should be scared or just running around, the fun sci-fi movie music just set the mood that much more. Aside from Halo, I don’t think I have ever really felt like I was really at the places I was playing in a video game.

Grind shoes in action

The thing that I think that I enjoyed the most about R&C is that it started out relatively easy so that I progressed further into the game and got hooked, but as the games went on the challenges and missions got harder and harder; sometimes to the point of severe frustration. But overall, the progressive nature of the game is something I think a lot of today’s games lack. Another aspect of the game that made it relatively easy to play was the controls. They were simple. There are not real complex combos to learn or moves to master. It was jump, attack, fire weapon, etc. Don’t get me wrong, Ratchet can do some really cool moves, but it is a matter of moving the joystick and jumping in one direction. Simple. And in some small miracle, this PS2 game actually has a camera that doesn’t annoy the hell out of me. Again, they kept it simple.

Go go gadget arm

Overall, I think that Ratchet and Clank is one of the best games that I have played in a long time. It is tied for my favorite PS2 game now with Kingdom Hearts. I don’t think that I can praise it much more. I think that the whole review almost escaped the bitter sarcasm that is usually present in most things that I do…

To conclude in a very simple way; if you like platform games, have a PS2, a brain, and some time to spare (cause you won’t be able to put it down once you start) BUY RATCHET AND CLANK. Now. Seriously, why are you still reading this? Get in your car and drive to your nearest store and buy it. I’ll see you in a while when you finally put the control down. Really, it’s that good. Hell, I’ll make it super easy for you and put a link to EB Games so you can sit on your butt and have it come to you.

* The original caption for that picture was “Flamethrower-ed”, but after discussing it over with Dots, Burninating the countryside was just too funny to pass up.

Want a piece of my wrench?