There is a steady argument in the video
game world about tennis games. Which is the best? Many argue
that the Dreamcast produced the best tennis game in Virtua Tennis,
which featured real life movements, lifelike graphics, and great
sound. I heavily disagree, given a certain Nintendo 64 game released
during the system’s final heyday.

I’d argue that Mario Tennis for the Nintendo 64
was the best tennis game EVER! Of course, I’m said to be a Mario
franchise worshipper, but I played tennis in high school and I appreciate
the movements capable in this game. Using the famous analog stick,
you can just feel yourself being on the court. It’s amazing how
you can make your player do a 360 in just a moment with the controls.
Also adding to the realism is the nasty computer looking at your
movements. If you hesitate a move one way, the computer will fire
a shot the other way.

The game is based on Mario characters. The opening sequence features
a video on the Mario brothers arguing with Wario, only to have a
BRAND NEW character debut in this game named Waluigi, and
evil version of Luigi. Of course, he’s not to evil, as he’s too
tall to hit sinking topspin shots when you do play against him.

I do, however, dislike the game’s choice of how you beat this
game. You have a singles tournament and a doubles tournament, in
which you go through the usual Mario Kart like Mushroom Cup, Flower
Cup, and Star Cup to win. It’s easy to beat, given that the computer
isn’t on its top level of play, the famous Intense mode. Winning
the Doubles and Singles tournaments will unlock 2 characters, Shyguy
and Donkey Kong Jr.

That’s it. For someone playing this game on their own, that’s
all there is to accomplish. If they want to find some great replay
value, they’ll have to have the drive within themselves to find
something to do. I beat all of the ring sections and then challenged
myself to beat all of the players when set on Intense mode. Intense
mode is the highest difficulty setting for a computer player, and
let me tell you, Intense is the best word for it. The computer can
sense any slight movement you make before they hit the ball, and
you’ll experience long volleys in this mode. Beating every character
in Intense mode is quite a challenge.

Well, I guess there are plenty of courts to unlock when using
certain players, but that will only take maybe an hour with every
character to do.

This game is best played with multiple players. The Ring battle
royale is a fantastic thing, especially with 4 controllers attached
to the console. I’m not too crazy about the Bowser Castle tennis
court, which has a ridiculous use of Mario Kart weapons and a moving
court that can get annoying.

To argue that it’s the best tennis game is rather easy. For every
court, there’s a different surface on each that can greatly affect
gameplay. Some courts cater to the players with weak power, some
courts favor power players. T
he shots you can choose from are slice,
topspin, smash, dropshot, or lob. There’s an art to each shot, as
positioning is of great importance and timing on hitting the shot
is as well. You have other features like if you’re close to the
net and someone fires a hard shot at you, you WILL get hit with
the ball. Also stuff like jumping for a high shot, diving for a
out of reach shot, and some very real like serving really make this
game have a great tennis feel.

CONCLUSION: I love this game. Of course, I enjoy
the sport of tennis. The simple fact that the game consists of Mario
characters is meaningless, as the game’s developers were going to
make this style of game with Mario characters or not. The movement
of the players and their abilities to hit the ball makes this game
the most real feeling tennis game around, at least through the controller.
Now if the graphics had realism, that would be another story.

TITO STATS(0 to 5 scale)
Graphics: 3.5
Sound: 4.0
Control: 5.0
Challenge: 3.0, but 4.0 for Intense mode
Fun Factor: 4.5

Buy
This Game Online

Welcome to a new Snackbar feature; the Weekly Retro Column. Once a week Pickle and I are going to get together and write a game review together. The catch is that we’re going to be reviewing a game from the past. Generally we’re going to reviewing NES games that we used to enjoy when we were kids. Hopefully those of you who have been gamers for a long time will get a kick out of this feature and it will be something to reminisce to. Playing these old games brings back great memories of the stupid power light flashing on my NES or having to blow in those damn oversize cartridges to get them to work right. And how could you forget the ever-popular “Battery Backup” games. Also known as “Pray to god that your game gets saved right.” Those of you new school gamers who aren’t old enough to remember Nintendo’s glory days, I suggest you get on Ebay or something and pick yourself up an old NES system. Hope you enjoy and feedback is always appreciated.

This week’s retro game is GunSmoke for the NES. Released in 1988
by Capcom USA. Let the chaos begin.

First of let me say that I am a big fan of westerns. I mean who
doesn’t like shooting guys off roofs. Back when I was a mere lad
I remember playing GunSmoke with my cousin for many hours, trying
again and again to get enough cash for the horse. This game was
North/South scrolling. As opposed to the horizontal platforms of
the day, it was all about shooting as many things as possible. The
challenge in this game comes with the absurd amount of bad guys
that roll onto the screen. Shooting every single one of them proves
difficult in itself.

Honestly Pic, while it is a nice change of pace to see North/South
scrolling instead of side scrolling, this is the same freaking game
as 1942. Some marketing genius somehow managed to change some graphics
and
resell us the same thing again. The amount of bad guys that
come onto the screen is crazy at some points, I don’t know how my
reflexes would have ever been good enough to play this game when
I was eight. Like you I thoroughly enjoy a good western. Now I will
grant Capcom a little bit of creative license, but isn’t this game
supposed to be based in 1849? Yeah, I’m sure that the “Machine
Gun” was a common weapon back in the old west. Sheesh. At least
it was a nice change of pace from the “Hyphen Shooter”
I start off with.

Speaking of guns, you start with a peashooter and everyone else
seems to have a better gun. But you don’t mind because you’re like
a mix of Charles Bronson and John Wayne. However you can take solace
in the fact that you can get a POW power up that kills everyone
on the screen. This game taught us that every barrel in a video
game is meant to be shot at. There are numerous power-ups in the
barrels that can improve your shooting range and speed. The only
thing you really need to look out for is running into an enemy or
not seeing laid dynamite. May I remind you also do not get stuck
behind an object as the game scrolls you upward, or it’s your ass.

This game is defiantly the distant relative to games like Resident
Evil or Dynasty Warriors 3. Every crate or barrel needs to be explored.
How many shots does it take to destroy a barrel though? You’d think
that one blast with a shotgun would blow those things up. They tended
to get in my way more than help me. Here’s my major issue with this
game though. I hate to sound horribly politically incorrect here,
but how come all the bad guys look like Asians? I’ve taken a lot
of history classes and I don’t ever remember reading about Cowboys
and Asians. They hop around like ninjas and everything. I was really
confused if I was in the old west or if I had stumbled upon some
secret ninja training center.

Well Soda, you have to remember the eighties. Movies like Karate
Kid and American Ninja were insanely popular. It does not surprise
me that there may have been an old west Triads type of gang. Surely
there were Asians back then…right? Anyways the game is as fun
as anything. A bit repetitive but seeing as how it is a NES game
we won’t hold that against it. I don’t mind so much the drones of
enemies but the barrels do take about ten shots to break. All the

while 100 enemies surround you and take you out. Like we mentioned
the game is not without its faults, but without the likes of GunSmoke
we would have no action shooters.

I defiantly respect the groundbreaking steps that games like this
took towards trying to expand video game creativity. Here are a
few things that I found a little odd though. The main bad guys in
the game have ridiculous names. On the first level you’re trying
to hunt down “Bandit Bill.” I blame this guy’s parents
for his lawless ways. If you’re going to go out and name your kid
Bandit you have to expect that his career choices are going to really
limited. Have you noticed that you buy all your weapons from some
stranger standing on a street corner? As some sort of law enforcement
officer shouldn’t you be concerned with people dealing illegal semi-automatic
weapons on the street corner? I mean renegade western Asian ninjas,
impenetrable wooden barrels and now illegal arms dealers on the
street? This game is some mindless fun but it’s a little bit too
cheesy for me. Stick with 1942 if you want a retro North/ South
shooter.

I no doubt respect the game, and I agree there are some shady people
on the corners. I mean what kind of guy stands on the corner with
horses and guns and doesn’t get a Chinese star to the back? These
Triads would just assume kill you than look at you. If this game
teaches us anything it is that enforcing the law is as easy as packing
some heat and taking out every one you see. Also that there was
a lot of twins being made. As you fight about a thousand of the
same four people. I love this game to death, I recommend going down
to your video game store and picking one up if they have it. If
not hit up the internet and buy one. It’s worth it, trust me.

Ah the TKer my favorite aspect of PC gamers. I just want to pose
one question to you. Why the fuck do you insist on joining my team?
Now I understand that you could be a valuable asset… ON THE
OTHER TEAM! But no, you always seem to join my crew. You manage
to shoot down my plane, run into my tank with your "out of
control" jeep, and basically ruin my fun. What the hell is
the point of playing Battlefield 1942 when you are going to constantly
piss everyone off?

I have a few theories to the actual identity of the TKer. One:
You are a foreign kid and has no idea what team they are on (despite
everyone having the same uniform). Two: You are new to video games,
teamwork, computers, air, food, water and other shit. Three: You
are so far beyond stupid that you honestly think you are kicking
some ass. Four: You are a dickhead who gets off to making my life
a living hell! Let me let you in on a little secret. We hate you
guys! Don’t log on to our server, return the game to Wal-Mart and
by some fucking seeds and grow a garden or something else that will
occupy your time. Here’s a tip, all the guys that spawn near you….well
don’t kill them. Kill the guys in a different uniform than you,
its safe, fun and easy, I mean Jesus man you have me convinced that
you TKers are either from Switzerland or Canada (me and Soda have
our eyes on you…).

I just wanted to get that off my chest as it’s been killing me.
As much as I love Battlefield, nothing sucks more than getting your
plane shot down by your own teammate before leaving the fucking
airstrip. If I so much as see this:

Pickle is no more
Jackass is no more
Jackass has killed a teammate

Then rest assured that if I ever meet you on the street, there
will be a fight.

Look, I understand that accidents happen. Sometimes you rain a
bomb from a plane on a stray infantryman in the middle of the enemy
camp and he dies. This is purely accidental. Planting four explosives
in a Def Gun occupied by a teammate is not an accident. Check your
ass at the door and have fun in the ensuing chaos that is sure to
follow…please

Holler back!

First off let me say that I have a love/hate relationship with
RTS games. Had it not been for Soda teaming up with my pathetic
ass I would never win. As a matter of fact, I seem to lack the multitasking
ability for micromanaging my troops and building more units at the
same time. When I heard that Warcraft 3 was going to implement some
role playing elements into the gameplay it made my ears perk.

So the crew goes out and purchases three copies of WC 3 and we
install the bad boy on our boxes. I start to play and I’m really
digging the Hero thing. The idea behind leveling him up is fantastic.
When you finally get some cool ass spells unleashing them is truly
a sight. Well the time has come to play online and BAM! I’m 0-5
in like an hour. Now I know what you are saying, "Pic, what’s
up man do you suck that bad?" No my friends I do not. It’s
just that I seem to attract rushers like flies to crap. I often
wonder what the hell is the point of playing an RPG when you aren’t
given the chance to level up you character. Oh, Oh, and don’t think
I don’t know that if you play a human level 6 you are not a rusher,
cause guess what? He is bringing 6 footmen and a mage with water
elementals in about 2 and half seconds. Point is, if you want to
enjoy an online game please feel free to do the following:

Pickles Guide to Enjoying Online Play

1. Get a punching bag
2. Buy a label maker
3. Buy some frozen chicken
4. Create the handle of your opponent
   with the label maker (get a cool color one too, they come in black,
   but I find that red labels make for better effects.)
5. Paste the name of your opponent on
   the punching bag
6. Wait for the rush…wait…oh it
   will come
7. Beat the living shit out of the punching
   bag! Accept your loss like a man (while he is taking out your
   remaining buildings, run some good smack)
8. Bake the chicken with lemon pepper
   sprinkled evenly on it and then serve with a lime for a Hawaiian
   theme (Soda claims that limes make chicken Hawaiian).

That should make for a more enjoyable playing experience. If its
pointers you’re interested in then, email Soda. He seems to be the
only one of us to actually comprehend surviving for more than 5
minutes.

Oh yeah this game rules…go figure.