OK so as most of you beautiful people who inhabit this great earth
should know that xbox LIVE has stormed Gods country "America".
And yes some of you have already spent sleepless nights staring
into the radiance of your television while talking mad smack to
many as you destroy them, or (like me) getting destroyed! I had
the privilege of purchasing one of very few xbox starter kits that
were left in the store before some booger-eating fourth grade spoiled
brat begged his dear ‘ol Mommy to buy it for him. And yes since
I am the only one outside the magnificent three (Pickle, Soda, and
Snowcone) that has played on LIVE, then I am entitled to say absolutely
anything about this damn thing. I really couldn’t buy all the games
that were supported for LIVE…I think its pretty communist that
they only released a very small variety of games, and on top of
that they didn’t freaking make Halo supported on LIVE. Let me tell
you that setting up the LIVE system could be a breeze, or can be
like a Mexican trying to learn Japanese geometry.

Once you’re on, its pretty easy going to through the setup. You
can be real creative by coming up with a gamer handle, I’ve seen
handles ranging from PimpCock to FreginLazer. I myself like to stay
conservative and use the same one I’ve been using forever. Moving
on, you obviously want the full effect of LIVE so make sure you
purchase a game that is LIVE supported. I had to settle with Unreal
Championship. It was the only game that was close to satisfying
my Halo craving to playing online. The headset is ok…it has a
volume control and also a mute button. You also have the option
of disguising your voice in several different masks, some are annoying
and some are just ok. I suggest NOT using them. You would expect
every person playing would talk mad trash, but you are sorely mistaken.
PEOPLE ITS A HEADSET…TALK…I CAN’T SEE YOU…I AM NOT THERE TO
KICK YOUR ASS SO TALK AS MUCH CRAP AS YOU WANT!!! Ok moving on!!!
Let me tell you that this game just gets way out of hand when your
on LIVE. Its just freaking insane, its like playing "Quake"
while consuming insane quantities of speed, coke, and any other
drug you freaking insane kids do. I mean it’s insane, I mean really,
its just way to fast and you have no clue what the hell is going
on. Of course there are those players who will dominate the channel
that you are in for hours for some ungodly reason.

Other than that if you want a quick taste of the xbox LIVE, I suggest
you get into it now. Rent a few games that are supported before
buying some. That way you know which poison to pick. Next on my
list; Ghost Recon, and Mech Assault. I am here to tell all to not
waste time! Donate blood, plasma, sperm…sell your old games, movies,
little brother or sister, whatever! Just get LIVE. Its great!

Greetings, salutations and all that jazz. I’m the Pic, and what you don’t know is that I am the whole reason that you are here. I understand we have two other reviewers on the site but they lack that substance….the substance known as savor, or the spice of life that is the Latin Blood that coerces through this finely chiseled body. Or you and me might like the same games or some shit like that.

I guess I’m the RPG guy, and I do admit that I am quite taken by games like Final Fantasy, Chrono Cross, Suikoden and what not. I usually invest hours upon hours of my life in front of my television with such games. However I also share an affinity towards sports games as well. Like Soda, I love the Madden series as the first time I played it I yanked it from Soda in the seventh grade, only to give it back to him on the last day of school. That son of a bitch has followed me around ever since!

We started this site because like many of you we are gamers. True fan boys, and if you’re still reading then you are more than likely one also. With future reviews on the way, I suppose you need a way to judge if we like the same games, so that if I like a game you more than likely will also, and if I hate it then you might just go and buy it cause you think my opinions are full of shit.

Like I stated before I am the RPG guy, you can rest assured I that will try them out, and if not taken right away it’s back to the store for a trade in. I’m not much of a platformer, but I do like Super Mario Sunshine, and Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets, both excellent games. Like many of you I am more a console gamer. Although Warcraft 3, Ghost Recon, Battlefield, and Neverwinter Nights made me by buy a hard ass video card. Halo rocks, don’t even ask us about the epic battles online (via gamespy’s shitty ass multiplayer setup) that Cone, Soda and I have had. Lets put it this way; I hate games that suck, although Star Wars rocks, their games suck ass, period! I am not nor will I ever get into Evercrack, nor will partake in that SIMS shit……hmmm lets see what else. Oh yea Resident Evil always gets me, I buy another one and remember why I hated the last one so much, its this damn cycle…don’t know why.

Thanks for stopping by and I will try to review as many games as I can, but I will also hit up some movies, DVDs, Simpson’s stuff, you name it. So holler at me sometime, Late.

The Pic

Don’t hate the cube! It is our friend.

I assume it’s a pretty safe bet that most of you are new here since we just launched the site. Basically I just wanted give everyone a quick introduction to me and share my thoughts on the other members of the SnackBar crew. I have been deemed the RTS guy of the group by Pickle. I guess it seems appropriate. Two of my favorite games are Starcraft and Warcraft III. Pickle is basically going to be your RPG guy. I’ve never quite got the whole Final Fantasy thing. I can’t read that much, it gives me a headache. Which brings us to Snowcone. He doesn’t really have a thing, he likes everything. No seriously, he’s the only person I know who has ever even been able to stomach Obi-Wan on the X-Box.

Currently Warcraft III is my game of choice. You can check out my stats here if you want. Actually I think the amount of games I’ve been playing lately is causing me to fail some of my classes, but dammit, I am going to be ranked before the end of the year.

Pretty much the only other game I ever play is Madden. I remember when Madden first came into my life. I believe it was Madden ’93. I must have taken the Packers to the Super Bowl fifty times with the Favre to Sharpe connection. I think I spent my entire seventh grade year playing that game. Then Pickle stole it from me, I assume it was for the best. My unhealthy obsession with the Madden series continues today and when the franchise feature was introduced I thought it was going to destroy me. If it wasn’t for the glitch in Madden 2001 that causes the computer to name the vast majority of rookies “Cheah” then I would probably still be playing that game. Seriously, it got really annoying having Pickle throw in his play by play; “Cletus Cheah this, Cletus Cheah that.” It amazes me that in the ten years I’ve been playing the Madden series the game really hasn’t changed that much. Yet every year I’m back at it with the latest version. Replay ability is a good way to score major points in my book. And don’t even get me started on the NCAA Football series. Pickle and I have actually started fights before because we run up the score so high with the Nebraska option.

I’m trying to think of what else may be relevant for you people to know about me. I lost a job once due to a brief Counter-Strike addiction. Once I spent an hour trying to convince Snowcone to purchase a blow-torch at Lowe’s.

Any feedback you guys might have is greatly appreciated. I hope our modest little site here is entertaining enough for you to come back too and tell your friends about. Email me if you want to know anything else.

[email protected]

Normally an article like this would be in the “Review” section, but due my to my extreme bias for having an unhealthy obsession for Star Wars, I don’t think that it’s possible for me to review this game with a fair perspective. Instead, I’d rather take this time to introduce myself and bitch about things that bother me.

First I would like to start by saying that my computer is running bald ass slow right now because I just finished playing a few rounds of multiplayer online. For some reason whenever you exit the game your computer runs like crap until you restart it. That’s only the tip of the iceberg though folks. Trust me it gets much, much worse,

When I first heard the concept of Quake with a lightsaber, I was very pumped! For some reason I manage to get myself pumped up for every new Star Wars game that comes out even though I am consistently disappointed by LucasArts for putting out crap game after crap game. “Surely this time it’ll be different, this game is going to rule, this is going to be the Star Wars game I’ve waited my entire life for!” Instead I get the same crap that I’ve come to expect from a Star Wars game.

Pickle and I first busted into this game about a month ago and immediately discovered that you have absolutely no control over your lightsaber; it’s actually a miracle that you can hit anything at all. For some reason LucasArts put in a bunch of guns in this game that Pickle and I never used. For the love of God man you’ve got a lightsaber, what the hell do you need a rocket launcher for? After a couple of late nights dueling one on one in multiplayer mode we decided that we were ready to battle on the net.

Let me first state that being a newbie in any game sucks ass. I must have taken a back stab to the gut about 500 times before I actually figured out how to perform this maneuver myself. I think the hordes of Counterstrike and Quake Cro-Magnons must have just migrated themselves over to JK II. It was more of the usual “You suck ass, I f’d your mom you piece of crap.” Well hell yeah I suck you damn moron, I just signed on to a net game for the first time 5 minutes ago, shut the hell up. Also included were the clever names that CS player’s consistently give themselves, such as; “Tig O Bitties,” “SpawnCampersCanEatMyAssWithASpoon.” You know the type. I thought we were Jedi here folks, aren’t we a more sophisticated, refined order of people?

Next I was greatly disturbed by the site of a Tie pilot running around with a lightsaber. As if that wasn’t bad enough, it then engaged in a battle with a dark blue stormtrooper also carrying a lightsaber. I did one of those double takes you often do when you see something that blows your f’n mind. “Dammit people you’re ruining my fantasy of being a bad ass Jedi here, cut that shit out!” I figured maybe I’d just stumbled upon a server gone horribly array, time to find a new one.

The next server I visited upon opened my eyes to the giant pile of crap that is JK II. Apparently the first server I was on was “Lightsabers only.” The current server had all weapons enabled. When I drop in the game I whip out my trusty lightsaberand seek out some ass to whoop. Suddenly I’m blown to bits with a stray rocket. Scratching my head I figure that was surely a one-time occurrence. Get back in the game, “Lightsaber on. oh damn, someone’s gonna get their ass beat! Shit! Who the hell keeps shooting me with the damn rocket launcher?” I just portrayed exactly what will go through every Star Wars loving gamer’s head their first few minutes with JK II. The damn morons just run around shooting guns. Jedi with guns? Your lightsaber becomes useless and obsolete the second you sign on to a net game. Pickle walks in and watches in horror as I am consistently blown to bits by rockets and various other weapons as I refuse to conform and use anything other than a lightsaber. “I am a Jedi, and as such I will not join in your rocket fest!” To those of you who contribute to this load of crap, and you know who you are, go back to freaking Quake if you’re going to use the rocket launcher.

This game quickly found itself ejected from my drive and buried somewhere on the shelf. It barely survived being thrown from my balcony by the mighty Star Wars logo that it bears. So in short, save yourself the trouble of playing this game and just go beat your head against the wall in frustration. They both carry about the same entertainment value.

In conclusion I’d like to reiterate that this isn’t actually intended to be a review of Jedi Knight II: Jedi Outcast because it’s just not going to be possible for me to view it from an unbiased perspective. Thank you, that is all.